Loving an Addict (Part 4)

We waited anxiously for the six hour surgery to be over and get a phone call telling us he was okay. Almost seven hours later we got the call we were waiting for. He was out of surgery, he was awake, he was stable, and everything went exactly as planned.

Here is where I was going to insert pictures from after the surgery. I decided I wasn’t going to because that’s not how I like to picture him.

Two more months of recovery, a pig heart valve, a pace maker, and a different rehabilitation center and Lorenzo was finally able to come home! It had been 5 long months of hospitalization. I went with his family to bring him home and it was the happiest day of my life. Everything was going to be wonderful now. He was sober and healthy. We celebrated his birthday and our one year anniversary, halloween, thanksgiving, christmas. I moved in with him and his family and everything was great. We went out places together, over friends houses, to parties, and for walks with the dogs. Everything was amazing and I was so proud of him. Though he had gotten sick, he got sober all on his own and was so determined to keep it that way.

A year of recovery went by, a year and a half sober, and another birthday. We were getting ready to celebrate our two year anniversary together. November 19, 2014 at 12AM my world changed forever. I was downstairs cooking with Lorenzo’s sister when we heard a loud bang. I rushed upstairs to find Lorenzo on the bed gripping his heart unable to breath. We called an ambulance and after rushing us out of the room and into the kitchen they took him away to the hospital. I called my dad and he came and got me. We rushed to the hospital and waited for his dad and sister. I had this sinking feeling in my heart and stomach, but my dad told me to stay positive. Did he relapse? Was it because of drugs? Is he going to be okay? So many emotions were running through my head. Once his dad and sister arrived the doctor came in. “We did everything we could….” That’s all I heard. I think I screamed. I don’t really know what happened, at that moment I think I blacked out. When I came to, I was on the ground crying in my father’s arms. “You can come back to see him, just know that there is a breathing tube in we can’t take it out until the coroner gets here.” He had the breathing tube in, his eyes were open with tears in them, they had already glossed over. He was gone. Two days before our two year anniversary, too soon. It was all too real. To this day I picture that night, everything about it. Like a play by play movie in my head. I dream about it. It’s something I’ll never forget.

When we recieved the autopsy we learned there were no drugs in his system. The cause of death is still unknown. It could have been a blood clot, the pace maker could have given out, we don’t know, but what we do know is that he didn’t relapse and to me that’s all that matters.

I’ve learned that addiction is the hardest thing anyone will have to go through. Be patient and kind. There’s a reason that person turned to drugs. Yes it’s a choice they make in the beginning, but usually that choice is to help cope with something in there life they want to get rid of. (depression, anxiety, etc.) If you love someone who suffers from addiction then you know how hard it is, but you also know the hurt of judgement from others. If you are a recovering addict, I wish you the best of luck in your journey. If you are a former addict, congratulations, my friend, you made it! And, if you are currectly suffering with addiction, PLEASE, PLEASE, ask for help. It’s never too late to turn your life around. People DO love you.

Lorenzo and I shared something special. So, what was it like loving an addict? Hard sometimes, but most of the time you’re so focused on loving that person, you forget they’re an addict. My relationship was just like yours. We had a couple bumps, a couple fights, we kissed, held hands, loved, dated, goofed around, watched movies, snuggled. Our relationship was just like any normal relationship, we were just a lot stronger than most. Lorenzo was truly a magnificent person and I’m lucky I got the time I did with him. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I don’t want to try and change your mind about addiction, or glorify it by any means, but the next time you call someone a junkie or judge them based off a drug they take. Just remember they’re someones whole world. Someone loves them because they’re an amazing person who just lost their way and needs help.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Remember to love hard, stay humble and kind because you never know who might need a smile.

The End xo.

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11 thoughts on “Loving an Addict (Part 4)

  1. Thank you for writing this. I am a recovered addict and I guess the drug of choice is heredity, I’m so proud he was able to get sober, I just wish he had a chance so see life as a recovered addict longer than he did. Thank you for loving him and thank you for being there for him when no one else could.

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  2. Thank you for sharing, that was amazing. You are such a strong person to be able to relive all of the heartache and let everyone know yours and Lorenzo’s story. he was a awesome person and will be very missed by many. sorry for your loss, God bless you and the whole Ditomasso family โค

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing . All of the addicts are someone’s son, daughter, sister ,brother, friend. They are loved no matter what. They need to know that. They need whatever strength we can give. I lost my son to addiction. I wish there was more time…

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  4. This really touched me deep. I also use to judge too easily a person with a drug addiction. But my fiancรฉ who is currently seeking the help he wants and deserves, has taught me so much about the addiction. People wonder why I’m with him and they judge, but no one knows behind closed doors or beyond the addiction lies this kind gentle soul who is always putting others needs ahead of his own (a good and bad flaw cause sometimes that causes stress and a relapse) and the idea of getting clean and then wondering if they are using again is a big trust battle you have to fight cause you don’t want to be the cause of stressing them out and them relapsing. There were no secrets when he used but would he hide him using if he relapsed in fear of embarrassment or disappointment?! But no one understands our connection beyond his addiction and I know that beyond it, he is truly an amazing man who has potential and deserves happiness, not judgement and hate. I’m sorry for your lost

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    • thank you!! I have a few friends of mine who are in your situation and I’m the only one they can talk to. it’s hard talking to people who don’t know the situation because they judge. I just want to be that person people can go to and vent to because I understand. I wish I had someone to go to when renz was alive. it’s important to have someone on your side as well. you need someone just as much as he needs you. keep your head up and love unconditionally.

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