THANK YOU!

It has been two days since I posted my “Loving an Addict” series and I have 6,787 views and rising! I just want to take a moment and thank each and every person from the bottom of my heart; who has read or shared my story, followed my blog, or given me feedback. I appreciate all of you more than you will ever know. The amount of love, support, and stories I got in return is amazing. I love hearing peoples recovery stories and I encourage anyone to not be ashamed and tell the world. Once again, thank you all so much! I’ll see you in my next post.

xo.

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Loving an Addict (Part 4)

We waited anxiously for the six hour surgery to be over and get a phone call telling us he was okay. Almost seven hours later we got the call we were waiting for. He was out of surgery, he was awake, he was stable, and everything went exactly as planned.

Here is where I was going to insert pictures from after the surgery. I decided I wasn’t going to because that’s not how I like to picture him.

Two more months of recovery, a pig heart valve, a pace maker, and a different rehabilitation center and Lorenzo was finally able to come home! It had been 5 long months of hospitalization. I went with his family to bring him home and it was the happiest day of my life. Everything was going to be wonderful now. He was sober and healthy. We celebrated his birthday and our one year anniversary, halloween, thanksgiving, christmas. I moved in with him and his family and everything was great. We went out places together, over friends houses, to parties, and for walks with the dogs. Everything was amazing and I was so proud of him. Though he had gotten sick, he got sober all on his own and was so determined to keep it that way.

A year of recovery went by, a year and a half sober, and another birthday. We were getting ready to celebrate our two year anniversary together. November 19, 2014 at 12AM my world changed forever. I was downstairs cooking with Lorenzo’s sister when we heard a loud bang. I rushed upstairs to find Lorenzo on the bed gripping his heart unable to breath. We called an ambulance and after rushing us out of the room and into the kitchen they took him away to the hospital. I called my dad and he came and got me. We rushed to the hospital and waited for his dad and sister. I had this sinking feeling in my heart and stomach, but my dad told me to stay positive. Did he relapse? Was it because of drugs? Is he going to be okay? So many emotions were running through my head. Once his dad and sister arrived the doctor came in. “We did everything we could….” That’s all I heard. I think I screamed. I don’t really know what happened, at that moment I think I blacked out. When I came to, I was on the ground crying in my father’s arms. “You can come back to see him, just know that there is a breathing tube in we can’t take it out until the coroner gets here.” He had the breathing tube in, his eyes were open with tears in them, they had already glossed over. He was gone. Two days before our two year anniversary, too soon. It was all too real. To this day I picture that night, everything about it. Like a play by play movie in my head. I dream about it. It’s something I’ll never forget.

When we recieved the autopsy we learned there were no drugs in his system. The cause of death is still unknown. It could have been a blood clot, the pace maker could have given out, we don’t know, but what we do know is that he didn’t relapse and to me that’s all that matters.

I’ve learned that addiction is the hardest thing anyone will have to go through. Be patient and kind. There’s a reason that person turned to drugs. Yes it’s a choice they make in the beginning, but usually that choice is to help cope with something in there life they want to get rid of. (depression, anxiety, etc.) If you love someone who suffers from addiction then you know how hard it is, but you also know the hurt of judgement from others. If you are a recovering addict, I wish you the best of luck in your journey. If you are a former addict, congratulations, my friend, you made it! And, if you are currectly suffering with addiction, PLEASE, PLEASE, ask for help. It’s never too late to turn your life around. People DO love you.

Lorenzo and I shared something special. So, what was it like loving an addict? Hard sometimes, but most of the time you’re so focused on loving that person, you forget they’re an addict. My relationship was just like yours. We had a couple bumps, a couple fights, we kissed, held hands, loved, dated, goofed around, watched movies, snuggled. Our relationship was just like any normal relationship, we were just a lot stronger than most. Lorenzo was truly a magnificent person and I’m lucky I got the time I did with him. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I don’t want to try and change your mind about addiction, or glorify it by any means, but the next time you call someone a junkie or judge them based off a drug they take. Just remember they’re someones whole world. Someone loves them because they’re an amazing person who just lost their way and needs help.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Remember to love hard, stay humble and kind because you never know who might need a smile.

The End xo.

Loving an Addict (Part 1)

For the past two years I’ve though about writing this, but could never find the right words to start. September is National Recovery Month and seeing the multitude of recovery stories on social media, has given me the frame of mind to start.

We all know someone with addiction whether it is cigarettes, alcohol, owning too many shoes, or eating more than you should. Most addictions are seemingly harmless so people overlook them as addiction, but when it involves heroine, coke, crack, or any hard drug people are more likely to start to judge. I was one of those people that judged because to me any addict was a disgusting human who didn’t care about anyone else or even themselves. I would later learn that my opinion was so far from the truth.

I was first introduced to addiction when I was fifteen. My best friend had developed a habit of taking Ecstasy. At the time I was naive to what addiction was, but I knew she had a real problem. We’d make plans to hang out and have a sleep over and she would show up late coming down from her high. “I took 2 triple stacks today, threw up everywhere, and rolled so hard. I’m exhausted.” She’d tell me as she climbed into bed to go to sleep. This was a regular weekend thing for us. My best friend, who I needed to talk to about life, boys, family, and anything else, couldn’t give me one night of her time. She’d fall asleep and when I woke up she’d already be gone to hang out with her other friends again to get high. I was hurt, worried, and didn’t understand why she couldn’t just hang out with me without the drugs. I told her numerous I was worried and that I didn’t like it and she didn’t seem to care. I had, had enough. The last day she left my house I woke up and messaged her on Myspace telling her I was tired of worrying and if she wasn’t going to stop I couldn’t be friends with her. That was the hardest thing I had ever done.

After 6 months of not speaking to my best friend my father came to me and said they had talked and she hadn’t taken ecstasy in about a month. I was happy our mutual friends and my father kept in touch with her at the time that I couldn’t. I needed to know she was okay even if we weren’t speaking. A few days later we talked and she apologized. She got the help she needed and our friendship is stronger than ever. That year was the hardest year of my life and I was so glad it was over. Without even realizing it I had my first encounter loving an addict. I never thought it could get worse.

Years went by and my knowledge of addiction grew as friends dabbled in different pills and alcohol. I hated it. I judged them. I had formed an uneducated opinion about all addicts. They we’re liars, thieves, dirty, and I wanted nothing to do with them. That was, until I fell in love with one.

To be continued…